Insert any title (part 3)

10 November 2009 at 7:07 pm (Life, Love)

Disclaimer: This post contains unextreme cheesy statements of an excited girl who’s been crazily in love lately. Please bear with her.

As much as I see myself a boring girl living a boring life, sometimes I do realize that at some points of this so-called life of mine, things do get really extraordinary. And I mean extraordinary. And I do realize, that it does not happen to average normal people everyday, like when one day I was down with tears, and the next day I suddenly found my savior whom I’d call love, right from my blog. My blog. This blog. Who would have thought, this dull blog with all the craps I have to whine about every day, would unexpectedly trap an amazing guy doing a Google search somewhere, in such a funny way now all the coincidence turned out to look like as if they’re meant to be destiny. What could make a blogger prouder than to find her love right from her very own webspace? :) I tell you, it’s extraordinary. Az has changed my life ever since. Despite we haven’t met in real life, the feelings have been the most real and certain I have ever had inside me. It’s perfect. Blessful. Motivating. Moving. And I don’t want it to end. I don’t want to lose him. Rest assured.

To my dear readers, friends or silent followers, or you’re just passing by here just like most people are,

I have to announce here proudly.

That my heart is officially taken :)

Please pray for us.

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8 November 2009 at 3:47 am (Love)

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*speechless*

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Insert any title (part 2)

5 November 2009 at 12:07 am (Love, School)

- Analog exam… *sob* :(( I dont know if I should be happy now that it’s gone.. but it still keeps haunting me, the fact that I – despite having studied the hardest in this century – couldn’t actually do the exam very well. WHYYYYY? Maybe Electronics isn’t my talent afterall…

- Have to study DIP & DSP both for next paper @_@

- OK at least I have something to be happy about lately.. or, should I say, someone? *wink wink* Uhm, I dont know if it’s too early to write this here, or rather, if I ever need to write this at all in this blog at this time, but really, I have found a new friend, in a magical way, and I could say he’s very special, decent and respectable, and really, I said magical coz it sure IS. You won’t believe it. I am very thankful to God for having brought him to me at the moment I needed someone the most, at least to knock some sense on me that this life is too short to be sad about. So yeah, I am 360 degree happy. Now. And I wish I will always be happy like this. And to that person (you know who you are), if you ever read this, all I want to say is,

thank you.

For being part of this miracle.

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Sometimes

21 January 2009 at 11:57 pm (Love, Učim Bosanski)

Još ponekad poželim da ti dotrčim i zagrlim te.. ali bih uvidjela da moje noge ostale vezane za tlo.

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Because life is full of unexpectations

16 October 2008 at 6:16 pm (Family, Life, Love)

In few last posts I was talking about something big was going to happen soon.

Though I wasn’t really sure what that particular something big would be. Maybe your guess was marriage, wasn’t it? I did too guess so.

But it wasn’t my marriage with Ado.

It was my final goodbye to him.

It happened so drastic, I know, and it’s always been such thing in a few breakpoints in my life. I wasn’t that surprised it would happen again.

In those impossible hopes and optimists about marriage, I somehow realized that it could not happen so easy. But I was trying and pushing insanely coz I was too tired to think about it anymore. Why must love be this complicated? 

I don’t want to talk much about the event. The family, the meeting, the talks, the findings, the brainwash, the tears, the tears again, the tears again.

I love him and he loves me. He’s not perfect but he’s been wonderful enough and can always make me happy. But it doesn’t seem to be enough. At least they say so.

And I love my parents. I have to listen to them after all.

So I have to leave Ado. For good. Not just another breakup like we’ve had a few times before. It’s final and official, now that many people have been included. I will never get married when everyone is unhappy about us.

I lost my strength. I have to leave job. Leave KL.

I am now at home with my parents. I don’t want to think about anything else for the time being.

But I can’t help thinking if he’s going to be fine by himself. 

I truly wish he’ll go back to his family soon just as well. 

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“I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.” – Albert Einstein

10 October 2008 at 3:29 pm (Jobhunting, Love)

My uncle recommends me to apply for tutor position in UTHM, where he’s one of the lecturers there. As much as I can’t promise myself to be any good in teaching field (and somemore it’s university students! =_= so malu if the kids are smarter than I am) but he says the university would probably send the tutors to do masters overseas, and they have been doing it actually – and this bit somehow gets my attention. Coz if I stick to my current lousy job for good I’ll never ever go see the world.

So I sent him my CV though don’t have much hope and seriousness in it, he forwarded it to Head of Comp Eng Dept there, and the response quite surprised me. He said I’m qualified to apply for the position. I mean, are you sure you did look at my CGPA?? Hahaha.

I told Mama. She’s very keen to see me go there, even she’s happy with the fact that I may be sent to study masters far far away, which isn’t really of her, and somehow I can quite tell she hopes me to go far from KL. Far from Ado actually.

Oh come on, I haven’t yet sent the application. Haven’t even yet digged out my cert copies from the previous jobhunting days. Even if I send the application it doesn’t still mean that I can get a place there. And even if I get a place there it doesn’t still mean I will be sent overseas. Hmph.

I don’t know. To be honest I am not quite excited as I was when looking for job before.

*********

Things have been critical for Ado, I can help as much as I am able to. I know he’s strong enough to survive, but you can never tell the future. I want him to go back. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I love him more than I can think.

Or am I not willing enough to sacrifice for love?

Maybe somehow it still depends on situation.

Coz life is not always easy as it used to be.

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Absurdity

24 September 2008 at 6:44 pm (Around me, Love)

I am fine, but things around me are not. The country has been the worst. Crimes, injustice, hypocricy, power abuse, stupidity, racism, just to name a few. I am sad.

At least I happen to have someone who keeps me happy lately. Though somehow I tend to have this unwelcome idea that the happiness has just to end sooner or later. He hates it. I dont mind. In fact, I wish something to happen to end it for me, coz I am not able to do it myself. Like, the immigration to disapprove his visa renewal or something. I sound cruel, but nevermind. By the way, he got accident last Friday, and it was quite bad, I am glad I could come to him. And see myself busy taking care of sick people I rarely do. 2 years ago, I used to wish we could be this firm, but it’s funny now I find it scary that we love each other more when days passing. And I mean scary.

I am going home for Hari Raya this Friday. 

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The Chronicles of Convocation: OMG

23 August 2008 at 1:34 am (Graduation, Love)

Hey you strangers who keep checking here though I havent updated lately.

I have been busy.

One. Work.

Two. Convocation preparation.

Three. Family coming over.

Four. Find new laptop for Ima. (Now I’m testing this)

Five. Help Ado find new house/room. Life is always not easy for this guy.

Six. Find myself a new house. Cheaper flat, but nearer to workplace and I’ll have my own bathroom.

Seven. Get busy with Ado. Long story, and he might not be a perfect man for me but he loves me and he’s been wonderful. He wants to be with me. He seems to have learned something.

So okay.

Since I love him still.

It seems it’s me now who can’t seem to learn from past. Hmm..

I’ll be attending my graduation with a very happy mood :)

By the way I wish this post was invisible.

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A lažem ako kažem da te ne volim

18 August 2008 at 9:41 pm (Love)

I’ve met Ado.

I don’t want to write about it.

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Agh

14 July 2008 at 9:48 am (Love)

I am still in my own version of love dilemma. Which is very boring it’s not funny anymore. After the birthday we met a few times the following weeks, which part of me sees very inapproppriate. But another part of me just acclaims, “who cares? We just wanna have fun while we can”, which I believe it’s the bad part. I don’t know why it turns out like this now. It seems like “being friends” suddenly appears as an excuse for us to still keep in touch. However. Who says friends have to meet each other every week? And go in public like a loving couple? And capture happy-mood pictures together still? This is nonsense. Let me be honest here, I am 10000% sure that I don’t see my future being with him anymore, and that doesn’t mean I like us being friends either. Though it was my own idea at the beginning. I mean, we can’t behave like friends at all, so what’s the point? Only in my birthday card he wrote that I’m a friend now but everything else actually remains unchanged. WTH? Do we think I broke it off just for fun and never meant it? No! It took me ALOT of emotion and decision, and I just can’t believe that it’s now going so fine like.. like.. we never actually broke up. And he’s actually being alot nicer than before which I can read his mind that he’s trying to keep me still. And to make me love him still. I don’t know how to explain more so that he (or actually we) understand that things should be different than before. We’re not supposed to meet often anymore, cuz it only makes me hard to forget my feelings and to move on. I know it counts my fault just as well since I hardly am able to say no. Yes now that after a couple of weeks I’m back with my neutral feelings and all so that’s why I could say no and write this way. But when I meet him I can’t promise I can be any disciplined in maintaining my mind. I think I just don’t know how to feel as a friend to someone I used to love. Oh forget it. It’s so rubbish.

I hope this will end soon. I just don’t know how.

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