Hajj: The preparation (sort of..)

30 October 2008 at 9:48 pm (Going Hajj)

If things are going well we’ll be leaving for Saudi Arabia on 25th November. Though we’ve checked that my parents names were in the list of those who are accepted to do Hajj this season (and my name was literally added as well), with the departure and return dates and trip number whatsoever, you can never be so sure with this Malaysia’s government body in charge for Hajj pilgrimage fund and management a.k.a Tabung Haji. By last minute it’s not too impossible for them to say the quota is already full, and you have to wait for next year’ season. Needless to say, Hajj candidates from Kelantan in this season alone are more than 3000 in number, and there are 14 states in Malaysia, you do the maths. And it’s only one country, imagine Makkah will be filled with people from I dont know how many countries.

In the meantime, I have done the thing about Hajj passport and visa, the medical checkup (some antibody injection – ouch!), and umm nothing much else officially. I have done watching the videos, but so lazy to finish the books. There will be a few stages to complete the Hajj, and those which I must study well. Oh and I haven’t done the shopping yet, especially the suitcase. And I feel like asking my dad to buy a new camcorder for this trip :)

Yesterday I have cut my hair short. It will be easy to take care within the Ihram restriction period, which will be long coz we’ll be doing Ifraad Hajj. Now I look like this:

Edit later: Nope, we are *not* gonna do Ifraad Hajj actually, Tabung Haji changed our flight to be earlier (20th Nov).

1 Comment

I keep silent because deceiving myself is easier

27 October 2008 at 12:23 pm (Life)

Yay and everyone thinks I am a miserable unlucky Juliet being separated from her Romeo in a tragic love story. Or to be specific, a Juliet who’s just lost her job. Actually. For a second thought, I should not believe that I have lost anything. Not yet. But I don’t want to think about that for now. I feel it safe if I keep silent about worldly life for the time being. I must prepare for the Hajj mission which I have to do perfectly or else my parents will think it’s a waste of money to bring me along. Though it’s still in question, why now? Why in this situation? Okay okay I better not ask. I can guess the answer lah.

I have to read the books, watch videos of people performing Hajj. Learn how it goes. It doesn’t look easy. Though I have done umrah before, Hajj is very much different (I just knew about it lol). Then again it’s 10 years back, when I was still an innocent nice little girl who didn’t have any problem to complete any big task and adventure. I don’t know how to face it now when I am 25 years old. Strange, but I don’t have that much confidence anymore.

Leave a Comment

It’s been one week

22 October 2008 at 8:38 pm (Life)

If you think I’m gonna write about Ado, then you’re so wrong :P

True, it’s well impossible to live the week without crying alone in bed, in the shower, in prayers. Though I know my tears will never change their decision, will never change the laws and the facts. It seemed like the world has just ended. But it hasn’t. The more I think about it, the more I’m glad it happened this way, however hurtful it seems to be, coz I myself couldn’t guess how it would end anyways.

Okay, so maybe a bit about Ado. It doesn’t matter now, the post-morterm sms and never ending explanations. They’re just like my tears, they will not change anything. Or at the very least, I hope they could make him understand. Or actually, make *us* understand and accept the fact that we just can’t be together. I hope soon I’ll know he’s going back to his country and be safe there. I really do. 

I’m taking a long break from work, the resignation is still undecided, as they advise me to get a rest first to gain my strength and motivation back. I am so thankful that people would care this much.

Maybe it’s too early to write about this, but my parents are bringing me to do Hajj in Makkah next month. Though it’s in between happy and sad, I’ll take this opportunity to get a peace of mind, and to purify myself from sins, hopefully. I have countless of unfinished business with God I have to settle. 

1 Comment

And because I don’t know what is next

16 October 2008 at 7:46 pm (Life)

1 Comment

Because life is full of unexpectations

16 October 2008 at 6:16 pm (Family, Life, Love)

In few last posts I was talking about something big was going to happen soon.

Though I wasn’t really sure what that particular something big would be. Maybe your guess was marriage, wasn’t it? I did too guess so.

But it wasn’t my marriage with Ado.

It was my final goodbye to him.

It happened so drastic, I know, and it’s always been such thing in a few breakpoints in my life. I wasn’t that surprised it would happen again.

In those impossible hopes and optimists about marriage, I somehow realized that it could not happen so easy. But I was trying and pushing insanely coz I was too tired to think about it anymore. Why must love be this complicated? 

I don’t want to talk much about the event. The family, the meeting, the talks, the findings, the brainwash, the tears, the tears again, the tears again.

I love him and he loves me. He’s not perfect but he’s been wonderful enough and can always make me happy. But it doesn’t seem to be enough. At least they say so.

And I love my parents. I have to listen to them after all.

So I have to leave Ado. For good. Not just another breakup like we’ve had a few times before. It’s final and official, now that many people have been included. I will never get married when everyone is unhappy about us.

I lost my strength. I have to leave job. Leave KL.

I am now at home with my parents. I don’t want to think about anything else for the time being.

But I can’t help thinking if he’s going to be fine by himself. 

I truly wish he’ll go back to his family soon just as well. 

3 Comments

Untitled

14 October 2008 at 11:16 am (Life)

My application for UTHM together with cert copies is ready and I am mailing it today. I want to get the place and go study overseas, but I don’t want to have much hopes in it. In fact I can’t have much hope in anything, the marriage included. I am only trying best what I can, I am expecting different possible outcomes and each of them shouldn’t be too surprising. I have somehow adjusted myself to be prepared for whatever result to come, good or bad, positive or negative, happy or sad, approved or rejected,.. because each has equally good possibilities to happen. I will accept it with a smile. I am too tired to be upset or surprised anymore.

Leave a Comment

The to do list

13 October 2008 at 3:56 pm (Life)

Not exactly in this order. But basically these are the things (and people) we have to deal with and the documents we have to get before proceeding to the application.

1) Approval letter from Embassy
2) Explaination letter from Immigration
3) His parents
4) Pre-marriage course, i.e. the certificate
5) Copies of birth certificate, ID, passport
6) My parents

Can’t elaborate much yet. At least after we’re on stage #4 then I guess I’ll be able to say something.

In the meantime we went to the Bosnian Embassy today during lunch hour.

It was my second visit to there, the previous one was to accompany him to deal with the case when he got robbed like 1.5 years ago. The difference is now, *I* was the subject. The person we met was a nice middle-aged man, I am not sure if he’s the Ambassador or some assistant, but he seems to be in charge in this. After some explaination, he smiled as if it sounds easy, and handed us an example of form we (or rather, Ado) should get from his country, for them to verify if he’s a bachelor and allowed to get married and the letter will be used for the Embassy here to produce an approval letter for the Legal and perhaps some other information needed when we make the marriage application here. That’s the procedure. And we need to pay some fees for it.

They were talking in their language and I was focusing myself hard to try to understand but hopeless, but from time to time they would explain again to me in English where applicable because, hello, I must undertand everything here! The man asked me, which state I’m from, my job, with whom I live in KL, and how often I go back to see my family in Kelantan. And from his looks I could see something promising.

The session ended with the man saying something like, from what I understand, we have to go for procedure even if it’s difficult like to make Burek. Finally a word that I’m sure I’m aware what it means. So I acclaimed,

“Znam Burek!” [I know Burek]

Which made him happily surprised, and said “Because she knows how to make Burek, we’ll do it for you free of charge”.

Dobro.

I feel great. How I wish the next steps wont be too hard either.

1 Comment

A beginning of a new chapter

13 October 2008 at 1:22 am (Life)

We have just talked about marriage. Again. Except this time we’re positive we want to do it.

I have a feeling something big is going to happen really soon. 

Perhaps I don’t derserve to ask help from God anymore.

But please help us to get back to Your path. And Your bless. 

Because I don’t have anyone else who understands.

And because at the same time I realized that I love my parents.

Leave a Comment

“I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.” – Albert Einstein

10 October 2008 at 3:29 pm (Jobhunting, Love)

My uncle recommends me to apply for tutor position in UTHM, where he’s one of the lecturers there. As much as I can’t promise myself to be any good in teaching field (and somemore it’s university students! =_= so malu if the kids are smarter than I am) but he says the university would probably send the tutors to do masters overseas, and they have been doing it actually – and this bit somehow gets my attention. Coz if I stick to my current lousy job for good I’ll never ever go see the world.

So I sent him my CV though don’t have much hope and seriousness in it, he forwarded it to Head of Comp Eng Dept there, and the response quite surprised me. He said I’m qualified to apply for the position. I mean, are you sure you did look at my CGPA?? Hahaha.

I told Mama. She’s very keen to see me go there, even she’s happy with the fact that I may be sent to study masters far far away, which isn’t really of her, and somehow I can quite tell she hopes me to go far from KL. Far from Ado actually.

Oh come on, I haven’t yet sent the application. Haven’t even yet digged out my cert copies from the previous jobhunting days. Even if I send the application it doesn’t still mean that I can get a place there. And even if I get a place there it doesn’t still mean I will be sent overseas. Hmph.

I don’t know. To be honest I am not quite excited as I was when looking for job before.

*********

Things have been critical for Ado, I can help as much as I am able to. I know he’s strong enough to survive, but you can never tell the future. I want him to go back. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I love him more than I can think.

Or am I not willing enough to sacrifice for love?

Maybe somehow it still depends on situation.

Coz life is not always easy as it used to be.

2 Comments

Poor PM

9 October 2008 at 5:07 pm (Around me)

To be honest, I sort of pity our Prime Minister. He’s counting days now to step down thanks to those tense from everyone who wants him to, which is thanks to his failure from functioning as an effective PM. Making him the most unwanted PM in Malaysia history.

And despite being so weak and sad as if having his last breath, he still has some so-called five missions before stepping down.

I almost fell off my chair when I read that.

Everyone knows it’s way TOO LATE. Things are now becoming too pathetic. Gosh, he should not make empty promises again at this critical time! Has that become a chronic symptom or what? Perhaps, from a disease called Making-Empty-Promises-Even-Though-On-Final-Days-As-PM.

If he’s ever really planned on such, why waste past 5 years as PM doing absolutely nothing and making empty promises and now last minute wants to do this and that only because he’s afraid his name will be remembered in history as Malaysian PM Who Did Nothing Much At All. Yeah.

Then again it’s still better for him than not being remembered at all.

How Malaysia’s PM Fell From Grace

Leave a Comment

« Older entries