This is a summarized story of a few days back I want to write about Ado. I don’t want to write much so one post should do. He called me when I was in the bus to KL, asking why I didnt tell him the time. What the time??? Like I can decide what time I arrive there, what time I want to see him. And even if I can, does he have all the time to fit my time? I doubt so. I sms-ed him saying he could come to UIA tomorrow morning when I am supposed to do the clearance. If he’s free.
And apparently (and expectedly) he’s not free on that Friday morning. But I went to see him anyway for a short time. He was not nice at all, and I was positive that I would tell him I want a break up. But that time didnt seem to be a good time, I did not want to say this in a hurry, plus I did not want to say this in that mood either.
On Saturday night he said he’s going to be free on Monday.
So only after 3 days, i.e. after I came back from Shah Alam, I could see him again. But I was a bit surprised that he was being so nice. Hey, I didnt expect him to be this nice when I was about to ask for a breakup, no? His charm is always my weakness. I told him I want to talk about something serious. In fact we don’t talk about our relationship too often. Not as much as we talk about food, his job, house, housemates, songs, and food again.
So I asked, “do you still want to be with me? I mean for real?”
I expected he’d say: “up to you lah..”
But he said: “yes”
I asked, “do you – actually – have intention to marry me?”
I expected he’d say: “if you parents agree..”
But he straight away said: “yes” (!)
He was strangely kind and favorable fort this kind of moment. And we talked about some other stuff I have always wanted to talk before, only I couldnt find the right time. And everything seemed to finally favor me, somehow, which I don’t understand why. As much as I don’t understand why he was being so nice when I expected him to be so-so like he has always been. Well, sometimes. This actually has made me gone confused and almost forgot that my plan was to go and tell him firmly that I want a breakup.
I told him quite everything I had been holding on. That I need more attention, and my difficulties to go on when he doesn’t seem to support, and the fact that we’re far now, and I prefer to stay with my family for a while. But he gave me sensible answers to all these and I just hopelessly saw that I could not able to get angry further. And I said I need a break cuz I don’t want to miss him anymore and spend my time being sad.
And he seems to understand. Hmm?
He asked, “who will decide how long this break will be?”. Eeek?? I mean, if I said a break, I dont want to see it as a temporary break. Even if I still want to be with him, but when I have come to the point that I want a break, it means I can’t go on anymore, this has reached beyond the limit of my patience. Do you understand? And I mean I want a real break. For good.
But that moment I was overwhelmed with him *happy sigh* and before I knew it he had made me changed my mind, a little. Or, I had made myself changed my mind. Whichever. Okay, so we take a break until.. until one day I come to live here near you. I don’t know. Maybe in one year time. Well, something like that. I cannot tell though. Am I too tolerate? Or am I not actually ready to leave him?
And for the first time I talked about marriage. I told him I may want to get married in 3 years time. He said OK. Well maybe earlier, but I want him to finish his studies first. Which in my calculation won’t happen in 2 years. And one day he has to propose to me nicely. Plus I don’t want him to make his general work in hotel as his career for good. Even if I am not going to marry him, I still want to see him succeed in his life. Succesful life simply means: able to complete his studies soon and get a good job, and go back to see his family.
So we were talking about marriage and breakup at the same time. I am not kidding.
And after the meeting, all I conclude now is: we’re taking a break for a while, maybe for a few months, maybe a year, maybe a few years, maybe for good. Nobody can tell. Cuz a break means no hope, no promise, no expectation anymore. Just let’s see if we really love each other enough to continue this again, someday.